You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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