You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
