he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
