I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
