Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
