my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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