Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
