happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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