I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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