We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Are my feet made of real feet?
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Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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