How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this just has baby written all over it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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