Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
