Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
