Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
