I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
