Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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