My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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