her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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