4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
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Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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