I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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