It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
