I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You are the jesus of drinking
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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