I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
