what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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