Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize