Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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