omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize