i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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