i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
