My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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