So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
