My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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