I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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