you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's always time for handjobs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
