My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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