if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
