I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
