I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
