Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
