Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
