Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize