Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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