He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
