so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
