Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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