Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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