u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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