Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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