We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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