I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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