I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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