i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
