he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize