Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You smell like stripper and shame
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
