don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
