so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
