I wanna bring you to show and tell
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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