Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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