As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
